What's in a (last) name?

I've noticed it's become much more common for women to hyphenate their last names when they get married. Perhaps it's to retain their independence, or individuality, or to preserve their family history (when there are no males to carry on the family name). Whatever the case, it makes for an interesting topic of discussion. For one, what happens when the next generation of hyphenated last names hits the block?

Will last names turn into complex amalgamations, like names of law firms or merged investment banks? The name Carol Lynn-Johnson sounds alright, but what about Carol Lynn-Johnson-Smyth-Simpson-Thatcher-Adams? What was your last name again? On the bright side, the hyphen key (which has been much neglected on the keyboard) would finally see the light of day. On the other hand, imagine filling out your name to apply for a driver's license or a standardized test! I recently read that the investment bank Fox Pitt's full name is "Fox-Pitt Kelton Cochran Caronia Waller." What a mouthful! That even tops Morgan Stanley Dean Witter. And by that logic, should there be JP Morgan Chase Bear Stearns Washington Mutual? What if we truncated names after a certain point - how would you decide what stays and what goes?

Then again, what if we merged last names together, kind of like how "spoon" and "fork" combine to form "spork"? I mean, some West Indian and Russian cultures ascribe to this naming convention. Though, that could lead to some amusing results. For example, if Robert Butts marries Jody Kissinger, would she be called Mrs. Jody Buttkissinger?

And what if last names turned into rolling couplets? True, the FIFO naming convention would surely cut down on the wordiness of last names, but it would also create some confusion. Are the Larke-Friar's of Connecticut related to the Potato-Friars of Idaho? I don't know... maybe Shakespeare was wrong - perhaps there is more to a name...

For now, tradition seems to have fallen by the wayside, which means the Scrabble board is still in play. Alphabet soup, anyone?

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